Little Touches of Joseph. . .

As you may remember from the beginning of this blog, considerable effort had been made in preparing the nursery for Joseph and Emily. Sadly, Joseph never got to make use of his half of the room, and Emily, being the typical girl, was quick to claim his side of the room for her own use. After much discussion and a brief temper tantrum, I was finally able to reason with her and explain that she is too young to have sleepovers and would not be needing a second crib. With that arguement out of the way, Christa set about redoing certain elements in the nursery, and I think she did a good job. Emily seems to really like her room, well at least she hasn't complained about it yet. As you will see, we did not remove all of Joseph's things from the room as we hope that Emily will be able to know her brother is with her, and still have her own room.

Emily definately gets her craftiness from her mother; Christa made the letters that adorn the wall. We moved Joseph's name to a new, special space and we've added Emily's middle name to the wall above the changing table.

Emily really enjoys looking up at the letters of her name while she's laying on the changing table. There is glitter and shiny things on them and the bright colors catch her attention, much like her mother. (oh look--something shiny!)

We took out the piggy banks that we had in the white cubes and put some other cute things that we've recieved as gifts recently. (Thanks Wisconsin Hiker & Martini Man, Kathy (Grandma), & Linda). We've also added a few more of the cute tiny dresses that have been added to her wardrobe. It's so cute to see those tiny little dresses hanging up on the door.

A closer view of the cubed shelves.

We've done our best to add little touches of Joseph all around the room so that Emily will be able to know about her brother.

This is the view of the nursery from the doorway. You can see how much has changed since the last time we posted nursery pictures.

Emily's crib.

A close-up of the stuff on dresser. Christa loves this lamp, and the knitted cloth it's sitting on was handmade and given to Joseph for Christmas from the March of Dimes.

This is the purple chair that Christa lived in during her pregnancy. It was originally in the living room, but now provides the perfect place to sit and rock Emily during her late night or early morning feedings.

This is Joseph's shelf. We have put some pictures of him and his stuffed animals up there to help us keep his spirit in the nursery. We obviously couldn't leave everything of his out, but it seemed really wrong to put everything away. We thought that this was the perfect solution, he still has a space in the nursery so that we, and his sister, can enjoy our memories of him.

Emily, You Crafty Girl!

So, reading the last post you may remember that upon hearing that we would be making a log book, young Emily squealed, "Arts & Crafts, I love Arts & Crafts!" I am sure you were all thinking, "there goes Steve, exaggerating again, how could a kid that young know that she loves Arts & Crafts?" The answer is, no, I am not exaggerating, Emily had already experienced the joys of "hand-made" crafts.

You see, one of the things that we did in the hospital with Joseph was make plaster casts of a hand print and a foot print. Emily did not want to be left out of the fun, so she politely asked if we could cast her hand and foot as well. Not knowing her love of abstract art, and her desire to become "fully" involved, we naively said, "Yes."

Emily seemed calm and was excited to begin, but as soon as her hand hit the cold casting gel, she decided a hand print just wasn't good enough. She wanted to do a WHOLE body casting. This, unfortunately, was not what the rest of us had in mind. A short struggle ensued and we were able to "cast" her hand. It turns out that we were not as successful as we had thought, but Emily was more successful than we could have imagined. While her hand cast was no good, in her brief moment, Emily was able to make a complete cast of her sleeper. In addition to casting her sleeper, she also managed to cast the couch, the social worker who was assisting us, Joseph's ventilator, her mother's hand, one of her Aunt Mandy's shoes (and that's quite impressive), and $1.32 in loose change. Suffice to say, stricter controls were in place when we went to cast her foot.

So when I say that Emily loves Arts & Crafts, what I mean is, she really gets into it; which I hope explains the clothespins.

What we didn't know at the time was that this moment was the quiet before the storm. Emily is an Arts & Crafts dynamo!

If only this picture could truly express how quickly things got out of control as Emily realized what was happening, even in her sleep!

This was the "first attempt" at Emily's plaster hand print mold. Don't worry, we did make another one that turned out a little better.

Cleaning up the mess that Emily made while making her hand mold.

After having experienced what happened during the hand mold catastrophe, we were more prepared when it came to her foot mold.

Creating her foot mold went off without a hitch.

The finished product!

When we got home and inspected the outfit she was wearing, we noticed just how talented Miss Emily is at her Arts & Crafts. She was making a hand mold, but where did she get the gel medium? On her arm? NO, she got it on her arm, and her legs, and her back, in her hair, and on the INSIDE of her outfit!!!!!

(Note, this picture is only of the mess done to the outside of her outfit. We noticed the mess on the inside after we washed her outfit the first time and realized that there were spots we had missed, but who would have thought to check the inside? This outfit had to be washed at least twice, I think maybe three times, before it could be worn again. That takes a special kind of artistic talent.)

Who could forget this Arts & Crafts extravaganza from our last post. Here, Emily is making a letterboxing logbook at her first gathering, but you could tell that from the photo, right?

Emily's Big Adventure

Hello everyone, I am sorry it has been so long between posts, but we spent this last week getting settled back in at home. Emily, had to get used to her "official" (remember what I said about "quotes," I'll bet you don't) bed, and we had to get used to her not being familiar with her new surroundings. I went back to work, and Christa got cabin fever. We are in the process of making and writing LOTS of Thank You cards to everyone who attended Joseph's service, sent us special notes & gifts, and everyone who made donations to the Ronald McDonald house. The generosity of our family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers continues to overwhelm us.



Enough of all that, this post is supposed to be about Emily right (this is a song about Alice, remember Alice?)? Today was a big day for Emily, because she went to her very first Letterboxing event. Flying Dragon, Kimono Girl, and Katy, hosted a mini-meet in Urbana, IL this afternoon, and despite a little snow Emily was determined to attend. She dragged Christa and I on a three hour drive in horrible conditions (OK, it really wasn't that bad, but I am trying to build a little drama here.) all the way down to the Library in Urbana. Upon our arrival we were greeted with cheers and applause and made to feel like celebrities, I finally know just how the Beatles felt. Emily immediately got started making exchanges with all of the Letterboxers present and really enjoyed using her brand new signature stamp. After a short time Kimono Girl led a workshop on making a small logbook, and Emily squealed with delight, "Arts and Crafts, I love Arts and Crafts," it wasn't long before she was totally immersed in making her book.



This little trip was the perfect test for young Emily. We are hoping to take a short road trip out east in June, and I was very curious how she would do on a long car drive. She was perfect both ways, and even did a little driving on the way home to give her tired Dad a little break. She is also very helpful when stopping to fuel up, she jumps right out and starts cleaning all of the windows so we can all see clearly.



We all had a great time today, it was really nice to get away a little bit. Emily would like to thank everyone at the gathering for the special gift they gave her, the hosts of the event for a wonderful time and FungusWoman for the very special baby's first logbook.

Emily happily shows off her first few exchanges in her brand new logbook, given to her by FungusWoman.

Emily listens intently as Kimono Girl instructs the group about how to make logbooks.

Emily gets a little too excited about the clothespins needed during the gluing phase of the project.

Daddy laughs as he discovers what Emily has done with all of her clothespins.

After the Arts & Crafts project was done, Emily was ready for a nap.

Emily's first group photo at her first gathering. She was definately the youngest letterboxer in attendance.

Kissed By An Angel

The other day while we were at the doctor's office, the Nurse Practitioner mentioned that Emily had some "Angel Kisses" on the back of her head. She also called them "Stork Bites," but to be honest we think "Angel Kisses" sounds nicer so that is what we will call them. They are little red spots on the back of her head, right at the hair line. What is really funny about them is that when she is grumpy (and trust me, she gets GRUMPY) they get REALLY red. So red in fact, she has been diverting traffic from O'hare. The nurse said that these will most likely fade in time, but for now we think that her little "Angel Kisses" are from Joseph, and that is pretty cool!

Miss Emily had her very first "professional" photo shoot today (I am really loving the "quotes," just imagine me doing the "air quotes" every time you see them, cuz that is what I am doing). We went to the Picture People at the mall, and hoped for the best. Emily was in great spirits all morning, she was grumpy from about 12:30 to 1:30, and very peaceful and loving and snuggly the rest of the day. The unfortunate part about that fact is that we were at the Picture People from about 12:30 to 1:30. I should mention that in utero Emily always had a hand in front of her face during ultrasounds. We began to call this her "No Pictures Please" pose. Even now, when people start taking pictures, her right hand zips up into position right in front of her face. This is also how I know she will someday be famous, she is already avoiding the paparazzi. So anyway, this poor unfortunate "photographer" is doing her best to get a good shot of Emily, but every time she gets set up Emily either put a hand up, or started screaming bloody murder. So, we devised a plan, we gave her a pacifier, set up the shot, pulled out the pacifier, took the picture really fast, and stuck the pacifier back in. This is just something else I will use to tease her when she gets older. Every time we have a family photo, I am going to ask if she needs her pacifier, I can't wait for her wedding (Bwahahahahahahaha).

By the way our beautiful baby girl is one month old now, which means the thirty day warranty the hospital gave us has expired, oh well, I guess no returns now.

Our first professional family photo.

Ok, I've gotten rid of those 2 goofballs; the pictures are about to get cute.

The hand gesture says it all. . . "Have your people call my people."

I am ready for my close-up.

I am totally bored. When's my next nap?

They Grow Up So Fast

We finally decided on a local pediatrician office the other day, and yesterday was Emily's first appointment. I have to say that we enjoyed this visit much better than our last. We really liked the people there and Emily managed to add to her growing fan club. The nurses all instantly fell in love with her and could not stop saying just how beautiful she is, all we could do was agree (let's face it, she's gorgeous).

I am guessing that by now you may be wondering just how big the little bugger is. I have to say that it is rude to discuss a ladies weight especially in public, I mean really. Not one to care how rude it is, I will tell you, just don't let Emily know. Just shy of the 1 month mark, Emily weighs 7lbs 8 oz and is now 20" long. She has put on 2 1/2lbs and grown 1 1/4" since leaving the hospital. I am sure all that weight is muscle mass as she is able to hold up her noggin', and when provided the balance, can stand on her own two feet.

I think now is the best time to talk about some of her other personality traits. Emily does fantastic impressions, especially her "Elvis" (thank you, thank you very much.) She does a great Stevie Wonder, without all the singing and piano playing. She smiles at her Daddy, but for Grandpa it's just gas. She likes Daddy's scratchy chin, but not his hairy chest. In fact, she hates his hairy chest so much she is removing the hair by the handful (oooowwwwww!!). She does not like being burped, so she frequently "fakes" it by grunting. She likes to bop her Aunt Susie in the nose. She is quite the night owl, preferring to sleep all day and party all night. She enjoys riding in the car, but not being put in the car seat, often protesting by refusing to bend.

Today, Daddy gave Emily a bath for the first time (Not her first bath, just the first time Daddy administered the torture.). She enjoyed it so much she screamed the whole time, and turned a lovely shade of red, then purple. Daddy feels terrible about this, and has promised Emily that she can stay dirty from now on. He will also never trim her nails again, so this kid is going to get very interesting very fast.

Emily will be attending her first letterboxing gathering very soon and she is very excited. She is working on a trailname and stamp, but no decisions have been made.

In an effort to keep you from getting bored, here are some more pictures of the Amazing, Beautiful, yet Humble, Emily.

Like Daddy, Like Daughter. Christa caught us napping one day in the exact same position.

Another one of Emily's personality traits is that she can wiggle her way out of ANYTHING! We put her in sleepers and sleep sacks to keep her feet warm, and when we wake up, this is what we find. She can also wiggle her hands out of the "mittens" that fold over her hands that are built into some of these same sleepers and sleep sacks. If we put a hat on her head, she has it off in approximately 2.3 seconds. For a kid that loves to be snuggly and warm, she sure has an aversion to the necessary equpment to provide her with warmth.

TOUCHDOWN!

Saying Goodbye...

Yesterday was the second hardest day of my life. I am pretty sure that it will manage to hold that title for the rest of my life. I was very happy to see the number of people, family and friends, who were able to gather on a cold, sunny, Monday morning to help us say goodbye to our son, Joseph. We were thrilled to see the number of people who wore blue, my brother even commented on how nice it was to see so many people at a funeral NOT wearing black. Even Emily managed to wear something blue instead of her signature color, pink. Fr. Rich gave a beautiful homily and Steve & Sylvia sang beautiful music to give Joseph a fitting fairwell.



I want to thank all those who were able to attend, and all those that would have if they could have. A special thank you to Freelance Mystic for the lovely book you gave us. We also want to thank everyone who made a donation to the Ronald McDonald House in memory of Joseph. It helps to ease our pain knowing that we are helping the family of another child in need, and making it a little easier for them to be with their child like we were able to be with Joseph. My family would just like to thank everyone again for their support and well wishes during this difficult time.



For those who were unable to attend, here is a poem that we used on Joseph's rememberance card. It was written for us by one of his NICU nurses. (Thank you to those nurses who made the trip all the way from Chicago to represent your collegues at Joseph's funeral, your presence meant more to us than you could ever know.)

To Our Darling Little Boy

Looking forward to meeting you
How much we longed to see
Your golden hair and blue eyes true
A mix of us, you'd be

Now in this place unwanted
Private pain and open tears
Our broken dreams upon us
We're faced with all we've feared

Our family now will gather
To share this time so sad
We wish you'd had a better chance
To know your Mom and Dad

Our time, not long together
The hurt of this, oh, it stings
But with courage, let our love move back
So you can find your wings

Here is the eulogy that I gave for Joseph. To those who were not there, I managed to get all the way through without crying or even breaking up, yup a reeeaaaal rock, that's me.

Faith and Hope, two words I could have told you the definition of three weeks ago, but I never could have told you the true meaning. Even now, I could not put it into words, but I know how they feel. I felt them the first time I saw Joseph, and I still feel them now, even though for Joseph the hope of a joyful outcome is gone. I do have faith that he has moved on to a better place and that he is with my brother Joe and his Great Grandpa Roy. It seems a lifetime ago that Christa and I discovered that she was pregnant, and I can still recall the shock and joy I felt the day we first saw our babies. This was also the day we learned of the challenges Joseph would face. Christa and I had never thought before this day that we may have twins, and neither of us could have told you if we wanted a boy or a girl. I think now that God gave us both babies because he knew his plan for Joseph, and wanted to make sure that we had Emily to comfort us. I think part of his plan was to help restore my faith in Him, and those around me. The outpouring of love and support from people has often left me absolutely speechless, and those of you who know me well can attest to how rare an occurrence that is. I cannot begin to estimate the number of people who included Joseph in their prayers from the time of his birth. Many of these are people that we have never met, and will likely never meet. To know that complete strangers were so touched by his struggle, and our private pain, has touched me in a way that has left me changed. A piece of my heart is gone forever, but in its place is a patch of hope and faith; hope, that someday I will be able to understand all of this, and faith, that even if I don’t, there will always be love.

We would like to thank everyone here today, helping us celebrate the most joyful twenty one days of our lives. We would like to thank all those who sent us messages of love, support, hope, and prayers, those we know and those we don’t. We would like to thank the doctors and nurses who gave Joseph their best, and did all that they could to help him in his struggle, and comfort us as well. Joseph was with us for only a short time, but he was loved by all who met him. Most of all he is loved by us, and we will never forget the joy he brought us.

We made and passed out these little blue ribbons in memory of Joseph. It was so nice to see everyone, not only wearing blue, but also wearing these little blue ribbons for Joseph.

Flowers for Joseph, from Emily.

(She likes pink. Have we mentioned that it's her signature color?)

Flowers for Joseph, from us.

Now in an effort to cheer everyone up, here are some pictures of Miss Emily Joy! We know, she is not wearing her signature color, but is seen here wearing "Blue for Joseph."

Remembering Joseph

Today I woke up and discovered that the last 24 hours were not just a horrible dream. I am comforted by the kind words we have been receiving through email, the comments on the blog and various talk lists. The knowledge that so many people, friends and strangers were affected by our little boy touches our hearts and makes the pain easier to bear. We have chosen to wait until Monday to hold a mass for Joseph to allow our families to assemble and to give Joseph a proper memorial. There will be a visitation from 9:30 am till 11:00 am with mass to follow at St. Catherine of Sienna in West Dundee (845 W. Main St, Dundee, IL 60118, just west of the intersection of Rts 31 and 72). For those considering attending, we ask that you wear BLUE for Joseph. We also ask that in lieu of flowers donations be made to the Ronald McDonald House Charities.

Again, we would like to thank everyone for the love and support we have felt over the last three weeks.

In Our Arms

This evening, Joseph Roy Bellock left us for a better place while being held in his parents' arms and surrounded by family. He will be greatly missed. He is being welcomed in Heaven by his Uncle Joe and Grandpa Roy. We thank everybody who prayed for him and ask that you keep him in your hearts, just as we will. We would like to thank all of the doctors and nurses who tried so hard to make this a happy story, and especially those who comforted us and cared for Joseph at the end. This blog will not die with Joseph, but will continue in his memory.

Thank You,

Steve, Christa & Emily


PS--Wake and Funeral arrangements will be announced when available. In lieu of flowers, please make a donation in Joseph's name to the Ronald McDonald House Charities.

Thoughts and Prayers

My family would like to thank all of you who have offered their thoughts and prayers to us during this very difficult time. Sadly, not all prayers are answered. Joseph has taken a turn for the worse and unfortunately this has become a fight he cannot win. I will post more information when available and would also like to say that this will not be the end of our blog, as Emily will still have many exciting adventures to come.



Thanks,

Steve

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all of our fans. I discovered recently that when I take a day off people start to worry. I would like to apologize to all of you who started to think the worst yesterday because I did not post on Saturday night, the truth of the matter is I was really tired and didn't have much to say. I was operating on the premise that no news is good news, and didn't think anyone would notice. I also thought that I would be able to get it done first thing in the morning. It turns out that first thing in the morning Emily generally has other plans for what I should be doing, and blogging is not a part of her plans.



Joseph had a very quiet New Years Eve. He did not have any procedures yesterday and managed to stay stable for the whole day. His "silo" looked good (good being a general term, I don't know that it is ever good to keep your internal organs "external") and remained fluid free for the better part of the day. It is time, I think, to talk a little about the "silo" (I think that from this point forward I am going to type silo without the quotes because they are starting to annoy me, so when you read silo, know that I am really saying "silo"). Joseph's silo is a little plastic bag, held up with a strap tied over his bed. Inside it he keeps what remains of his small intestine. It turns out to be a good thing that he has chosen to do this. Why, you ask? Well, they do a lot of testing Joseph's blood, many of these tests tell the doctors how he is doing. Joseph however has not been very forthcoming with some of this information. Most of the time when someone has tissue that is breaking down it is apparent in the blood tests, this has not been happening with his tests. If his bowel was neatly placed inside his body, we would not know about the problem he has been having getting blood and oxygen to it.



Today, Joseph had a pretty easy day like yesterday. This morning at around 8:30 am Dr Statter removed only 1 cm from his bowel. The rest of the day they were just letting him chill, while they played with the settings on his vent, his oxygen, his nitrous, and his meds to see how he responded. All in all it was a pretty good day.



Emily spent the day sleeping off the effects of her very first New Years Eve not a party. She was pretty hung over this morning because she hit the bottle pretty hard last night. She was definitely the hit of the party and stole several hearts. She was very excited about the Green Bay victory over the evil Chicago Bears, and had a great time soaking up the snuggles being offered by everyone in attendance, even the host fell under her spell. Emily joined us all in a Champagne toast and had many guys fighting over who got to kiss the cute blond at midnight. She agreed with us that Carson Daly has no discernible talent and could not figure out why people in New York City got to countdown for New Years in the central time zone. It was really good to get out last night, and Emily enjoyed it too.